Year of Progress

CAUTION: THIS POST CONTAINS EATING DISORDER BEHAVIORS

I am proud to say that yesterday, March 27, marked 1 year since I went into the Center for Change. That is unbelievable. This time last year, I was over my head with self-hatred and depression. I am proud to say that on March 27 of this year I spent with my husband, eating at a restaurant, and loving every minute of the day. It’s amazing how much this past year has brought.

Just 1 year ago my thoughts contained so many negative things. I wouldn’t let myself enjoy anything good (including Red Lobster biscuits which I got to rock this year!). I was living by so many rules that were insane! I’m hesitant to put those rules I lived by on here because I don’t want to give anyone ideas but to fully understand the place I was in I want to give y’all an idea:

·      I could not consume more than 500 calories a day

·      If I ate over I had to workout to make up for those extra calories

·      I took a laxative everyday to get everything out of my system (yeah…gross)

·      If I ate too much I couldn’t go out

·      I HAD to take my diet pill everyday (2 a day if I was feeling “fat”)

·      I had to take my diuretic pill to get rid of extra water weight

·      I couldn’t be bigger than a certain size of clothing (I won’t specify)

·      I could only eat plain, air-popped popcorn

I’m sure there was more but I don’t remember, nor do I want to. Aren’t those ridiculous, though? Having to live by those rules was exhausting and, honestly, I have no idea how I survived as long as I did. It does make sense that I got a hole in my stomach! The weird thing is that all those rules made sense to me. This year I live by one rule:

·      EAT WHAT I WANT!

In the Center they taught us about “intuitive eating”, which there’s actually a book that explains the whole concept. The basic idea of intuitive eating is eat what you’re body is craving. Our bodies are trained to crave what our body needs. It explains that our bodies have set body weights that we are supposed to be at. When we diet and try to lose weight, we mess up our set weight and actually make our set body weight higher, meaning when you stop dieting you will naturally weigh more. Sucks right? Unless you’re planning on dieting your whole life, diets are stupid! Why not keep your body the way it’s MEANT TO BE. Learn to love the body you have if you want to be happy.

In just one year I have: moved to a new state, lived on my own, gotten a job,  found my testimony, fallen in love,  made a new best friend (also the person I fell in love with), married my best friend, and most importantly recovered from my eating disorder of 7 years. I would say it’s been a pretty great year. I can’t tell you how much of a relief it was to call my mom on March 27 and talk to her about the great things going on in my life. I know she was happy to talk about the good things too. Life is great. I love being Karissa Dawn Stanley. She’s a pretty great person with a great life.

If I was going to give any advice to someone that would like to have a recovery as great and special as mine, I would say just to have faith. Have faith in yourself, and if you believe in a God, have faith that He can bring you through this. I know that’s why I have gotten to this point so quickly. I set a firm foundation of faith.

Shallow Society

One thing that I realized since starting this blog is that everyone knows that I had an eating disorder. (Obvious statement, right?) Well while out to eat with some friends, I noticed that those that have read my blog or know my situation might be paying extra attention to how I’m handling food. They don’t know how to react or what not to say. I figured I could give my opinion on how others should act around people that are or have suffered with eating disorders. The answer is: act naturally!!

I know it can be awkward but the one thing we want most is for attention not to be brought upon us while we are in those environments. Eating in social situations can be a stressful, high anxiety situation. How can you help make this situation easier on those suffering? There are some topics of conversation that should be strayed away from:

·      Calories

·      Weight

·      Clothing Sizes

·      Working Out

·      Insecurities with your body

·      Amount of food eating

There are more that could be more specific to someone’s eating disorder but these are pretty general topics. Why is it that it is so natural for us to talk about the things we hate about our bodies? Do we really not have anything else to talk about? These things are not important. Something that I feel like people do not recognize anymore is that our self worth is not based on these shallow things. That is what those in recovery are trying so desperately to comprehend. There are so many other things that we could be thinking about and doing.

I feel like I can’t get my point across as well as I would like to. I really just want people to see how serious this is. There is so much pressure on us to look a certain way; where did this even come from??

I was at a work lunch with a group of all girls. The other girls started talking about how “big” they have gotten, how they need to start not eating fattening foods, the diet supplements they’re taking, and working out. I hated hearing them talk about how they were disgusted with their bodies. They then began to say, “Karissa, you’re lucky you don’t have to worry about this stuff.” All I could think was how they had no idea. I have been overly worried about this for the past 8 years of my life.  These girls I work with are not bad people, but they see these insecurities as weaknesses.

One thing I have learned in my recovery is: I AM NOT MY BODY. Those days when I feel “fat” does not mean I am a bad person that day or that my self worth is less. I am beautiful, not because of the size pants I wear or the number on the scale. My beauty does not change if my size changes. Size does not matter. I love my body—some days more than others. I’m not perfect but I’m working on it and I do believe everything I have said. You are not your body, it does not define you.

Well that’s my soap box for the day. Love yourself. :)