F.A.I.T.H.

Today, Saturday, I had to go into work. I like to entertain myself between calls (I work at a call center) so I was debating on what I wanted to watch. I usually have “The Office” or “30 Rock” playing in the background and I had every intention of putting that on today as well. As I open my browser I see my homepage, which is www.lds.org. I got this urge to watch a General Conference talk or something along those lines. Since I had no interest to watch any church talks last year I decided to look towards the General Relief Society Meeting videos. For those of you that don’t know what this is, it is like a devotional for the women in the church. As I was watching this I had some really great thoughts that really brought comfort to me and I wanted to share them.

As I had the video playing on my computer at my desk, my first thought was that my co-workers would judge me, thinking I wanted to show them I am better than them because I was watching a church video on my own time. My thoughts slowly turned into something a little more positive. I then began to think of things my husband, church leaders, family, and friends have told me: “I am an example to others.” I have been told that I will have influence for good to those around me. I will say it is still hard for me to admit that to those of you that are reading my blog. I don’t like thinking I have that much worth. That being said, my insecurities are holding me back from ever getting close to fulfilling that potential. This led me to a thought as to why I suffer with this eating disorder and all the insecurities that come with it:

Someone or something is putting these thoughts in my head to bring me down, to not let me see the goodness in myself.

This thought led to even better thoughts: What if I do have that much worth? What if I, myself, can influence others? Maybe I’m not just another person. If I am supposed to reach this expectation than I cannot let this thing hold me back. I have a responsibility while I am here on Earth. This thing that has influence over me does not want me to see this potential. This must mean I can do something pretty great, right? Why should I let this power bring me down when my Heavenly Father has gone out of His way to get me back on my feet? There are many times I should’ve died but I know that I was saved for a reason; a reason I do not know of yet but one that I need to find out.

Having this faith that I have been born with a great purpose is truly moving. It gives me the strength to try to fight these destructive thoughts, it gives me power to fight against this power fighting against me, it helps me lean more onto my Heavenly Father because I know He has a great plan for me.

I do believe that we all have our struggles and that are given them for our own personal reasons. I have faced this trial for years and years but I can say today that I see it as a blessing in my life. Those years were the most difficult thing I have faced but I can see how strong it has made me. I can look at everything that has already happened for me since I started to recover and all I can see is an immense amount of blessings.

As most of you have probably noticed, most of my posts have some input of my testimony. My testimony, my faith in my Heavenly Father, in Jesus Christ, and in the Atonement have gotten me to where I am today. The Holy Ghost, which is in me, has led me down the straight and narrow path, to be righteous and faithful, and strengthen my belief in the fullness of the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. For the first time in my life I am not afraid to share it.

Romans 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek

I just want to close with a quote from one of our church leaders, Henry B. Eyring:

“If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing. In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ to shape and guide our lives if we choose it. And with prophets revealing to us our place in the plan of salvation, we can live with perfect hope and a feeling of peace. We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are. We can feel the love of God. The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up. And He always keeps His word.”